How a garden statue chisels her way into the sunlight
So me and tosh were just sitting here talking about personal mythology stuff and how we should start talking about it online and letting people in on things um and we're talking about tosh's journey with with personal mythology and what a good What a perfect example it was.
0:24
And you said that you, in the beginning, how did you feel about it when I was telling you about it all?
0:32
Yeah, so it's interesting. I actually felt very... kind of like opposed to it in a way. I was like defiant and kind of closed off to the concept. I didn't really understand what personal mythology was or what I was going to get out of it.
0:48
I just knew Sidian was very passionate about it and I believe in him and wanted to grow as a person. So with him guiding me through the steps i took the steps but i didn't believe in them at first i was just like doing action items of like this will make my partner happy i'll grow as a
1:09
person like what could go wrong
1:11
Which looking back, I kind of feel like was partially because I didn't know that with all this stuff that I should really be kind of selling the outcome of it, the goal of it for you. Like, what are you getting out of it?
1:26
Instead of what I tend to do is I go straight into like, well, what is personal mythology? And What are archetypes? And, you know, here's this exercise, here's that exercise. And I think that leaves the other person in this space where they're kind of like, okay, but why am I doing this?
1:44
Mm-hmm.
1:45
But you did it anyway, because you love me.
1:49
Yes.
1:50
You poor soul. And so, so you ended up going through it anyway. And I just love your story of your journey through it because it has such like, there's beautiful metaphors. They're very deep in their meaning. And they came up for us numerous times, we'd have so many talks about your personal development,
2:17
and they would always come back to these, these metaphors and the metaphors were like living and changing as we were going along. Like, do you remember some of that?
2:27
And I even remember in my personal journey through it, like before we get into what the metaphors are, as we were kind of developing everything and I was changing, there would be moments where I'd be angry or mad when we would refer to one of them. I'm like, how dare you call me stony and cold?
2:45
Like it was offensive at times. And I think that was just part of the growth process, kind of grieving change and like thinking I was... like developing more than I was, I guess. So that's where like some of the defensiveness came from.
3:03
That makes sense. And growth hurts like a lot. I think a lot of people don't realize this. They think of growth and self-development as this like very positive thing. And it is. The outcome is positive, but the short term is almost always negative because you have to go into the pain. You have to change.
3:27
There's all these negative elements to it, these shadows that you have to process. And then the outcome of that is this beautiful, shiny new parts of you. And to add on to that, like, you know, you mentioned something about, you know, how dare you point out this stony part of me.
3:49
Because we had this metaphor going of a garden statue, that you were like a garden statue. You're kind of walled off and a bit cold in some ways and things like that. Well, it wasn't only me pointing out parts like that that were painful sometimes.
4:09
It was also when we would metaphorically chip off some of the statue and some of your vulnerability beneath or even your warmth beneath was revealed. Those were painful parts, too.
4:25
Yeah. I think we should do like a brief overview so the audience isn't lost. It's kind of like the morphing of my story and character and kind of some of the backstory. Yeah. As just like a quick overview and then we can dive into things more deep like that. Yeah. So I guess that's on me, isn't it?
4:47
Well, it doesn't have to be. I could tell a version of it. You could correct me. I don't know.
4:52
No, it's okay. I can get into it. So a little bit of backstory. I guess it should go from... Yeah, when I met Sidian, I was much more of a cold person. Not cold as in like mean necessarily, but just reserved. I would be... You had been through a lot of things.
5:09
Yeah, I had been through a lot of childhood trauma and things. I just... didn't grow through yet. I wasn't in a place in my life where I felt secure enough in myself or any of my attachments to kind of do the personal work.
5:23
You weren't even sleeping well.
5:25
Yeah, I wasn't even, like, sleeping hardly at all when I had met Sidian. So I was just not in a place of growth at the time, like, although I desperately needed it. And so I was cold, reserved. Sidian and I kind of developed this narrative that I was a garden statue.
5:41
I would sit, and it was beautiful, but it just wasn't... very interactive I was so reserved and kind of shut off from the world and so his belief and kind of what we shaped together was that he was going to chip away at
5:56
that so I could find like my true inner self and I'm pretty sure when I think back
6:02
on it there's a bit of nuance there I didn't want to just come in and take a chisel to you
6:07
Yeah, that would hurt.
6:08
Yeah. And you may not have been consenting to something like that.
6:13
Right.
6:14
But I'm pretty sure we had conversations about like, is this is this a path that you would like to go down together? And I talked about, you know, the chiseling away sort of thing.
6:25
And I wanted it. I did. Although I was defiant sometimes or not fully believing or a whole swarm of different emotions, it was something I definitely wanted. I did not want to be known as a cold, quiet person or somebody you couldn't get close to.
6:43
I desperately wanted love and connection and warmth in my life and people to look at me and be like, man, Tasha's bubbly and kind and caring and all the warm things that about me that were I think under there but I just I had developed a coping
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mechanism with so much trauma happening in my life that that it was easier to be a
7:05
statue for a while I thought you were going to say you developed a coding a coding yeah and then I thought of a coding mechanism you developed a coding mechanism I
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love it and so yeah over time a hard chocolatey shell I You know, I'd love to be made of chocolate, but I think I would melt in the sun. So yeah, over time, Sidian helped me kind of reflect and I decided to change a lot about myself.
7:33
And I think it's true to who I am underneath, but I went from cold and gray and... and more statuesque to choosing the color yellow and being bright and bubbly and leaning into that even when I didn't feel comfortable with it because it's who I
7:51
wanted to be and there's nothing wrong with pretending until you get there basically.
7:57
Yeah, important side note here too is that this has never been a one way street. I've been developing through all of this as well. We're just focusing on Tasha's story at the moment. Yeah, instead of, you know, diverging into multiple things.
8:16
And I think each episode of the podcast is what we're hoping to make is each episode focuses on something different, somebody else's story, a different topic or what have you. And today's episode is all about me.
8:30
Yeah. So, yeah, you attached to eventually that that became the new metaphor, the new archetype moving away slowly from the garden statue into embracing the sun with the color yellow. And it's funny because I think from the outside. somebody choosing a color like that and being like oh that's what i want to strive
8:57
for and stuff i think that from the outside a lot of people it it might feel kind of superficial or cliche or cliche not very meaningful or whatever but let me tell you and and let tosh tell you that when you're going through this process personally it is the most meaningful It is the deepest, most exciting,
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adventurous and crazy part of your life because it's hitting the deepest parts of who you are and revealing those things and you know, chipping off those pieces of stone and getting to the shiny, shiny golden parts underneath, like that process is extremely deep. And so the connections that you build to an archetype, like even just a color,
9:48
are the most meaningful things in your life. I mean, how many times do you, or have you through this process, leaned back on thinking about that color and being like, well, is the choice that I'm making right now, is the behavior I'm exhibiting, is it reflective of that archetype?
10:10
Yeah, it's totally helpful to use as a tool to lean on in the growth process is picking something you aspire to be and having them be these kind of far away concepts like color, like, oh, I want to embody a color really helps pull it out of. The now and like leaning on old habits,
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old behaviors and stuff and pulls it more into the who I want to be in a it's almost easier in a way because it is so abstract to to kind of remove those old habits and kind of create a break in pattern.
10:46
Yeah.
10:48
And there are some days I'll say where it felt very abstract. I don't know, kind of dumb or silly or what have you. Too esoteric. Yeah, too esoteric, too meaningless in a way. But I still did it because I believed in the... Like, over time, I developed a belief that...
11:08
You believed in me at first, but not the process.
11:11
Yeah.
11:11
And then over time, you saw that the process...
11:14
totally and i had this like kernel of belief i think that it would work or that i wanted to change so much it didn't matter what i did as long as i did something and so i was taking action items and i think it ended up being so incredibly powerful
11:28
in my personal story to choose these things because when people meet me today if i tell them oh i used to behave like a statue cold stony whatever it is they're like well i can't imagine yeah they don't believe it They're like, all I associate you with is bright and bubbly. Yeah.
11:46
And even though you had those times where you're like, OK, this is this is weird. This is esoteric. I'm not sure if it works or whatever. Despite that, it almost makes this more meaningful that you felt that way and that you didn't believe in this stuff, because despite all that, as you went through the process,
12:04
then you found times where you were in tears about it. um you know or or overjoyed with it laughing because of it like it brings forth like all the all the most meaningful deepest emotions that you can go through with in in life in general yeah definitely i think
12:26
We've had many arguments and tears and joys over the personal growth and everything that's happened. And I think I still have plenty of space to grow, but I think I just have a belief that if you stagnate, then... you're not really experiencing your life story so yeah maybe that's me but i think
12:46
we continue to grow and change and maybe someday yellow won't be my color and i want something more right calm or what have you and i'll choose something different but right now i'm very content in my happy little yeah bumblebee space yeah well
13:02
and the b was um we didn't mention that yet that came kind of after the color yellow it was like uh an extension of the the yellow choice
13:11
yeah i was trying to find something that was also another intentional archetype i choose or chose was the b because i wanted something yellow but more grounded into like some of my business goals my my kind of mind in that space and desire to grow in other spaces that weren't just personal but they were more work related
13:37
yeah so what that does um and this is like the personal mythologist in me talking and and this is as as you know you the audience learn about what what we're doing here with my mythos and through the books and these talks and stuff like this
13:52
you're going to learn how to do all this stuff like as as a personal mythologist So here's a fun nugget about that. When you chose the color, what you were, what that generally centers around is the virtues and sort of feelings that are signaled by that color for you,
14:15
right? Emotions.
14:16
But what it doesn't do very much is add the actions of what does that What does a color do? Well, it doesn't necessarily do a lot in terms of actions, but what does do something is animals, right? Animals add an action element. Animals do. They take actions.
14:37
So, yeah, you started with attaching to the specific virtues and feelings. And then you're like, okay, this is great, but I want to find some motion in this. I want to be able to exercise these virtues. And so you needed to find an animal archetype for that. The bee comes along. Well, what does the bee do?
15:01
The bee is very family oriented. It works for the hive. The bee makes sweet things, right? That's a very yellow kind of idea. We associate yellow with honey and things like that. The B is very hardworking. You like to be very hardworking. So now you have a task list given to you by choosing two different archetypes.
15:30
So this is what I want to do for the audience over time is find your guys' archetypes, starting with the simple stuff and behind what beliefs you have and where you want to go with those beliefs. um so yeah that's that's how we arrived where we are in Tasha's personal mythology
15:55
yeah it was quite the growth story um it was so funny when I had first met Sidian he was all mysterious and would be like you don't even know yet like the depths of things and I would be whatever I didn't say that
16:10
no that's what you took away from that's what i interpreted was you'd be like you don't understand the end goal yet but there's like an end goal and so i was like mysterious and quirky and i like it and i'll i'll like i do like to be mysterious
16:29
and and kind of dive into this world but i didn't want to scare you off with like
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going over every detail of like
16:37
Yeah. Oh, I'm trying to... Let me chisel away at you.
16:40
I'm trying to change lives and blah, blah, blah. And then you're like, okay, whatever.
16:44
Cool story. I actually think you could have led with that. And it would have been very inspiring and interesting. Intimidating, I think, for somebody to come into you. Like somebody who's like, I don't know. Maybe I should lead with that. Helping inspire others. But I think you should always lead with your...
17:03
the end goal yeah your most inspiring parts your big beliefs that's how i teach
17:08
board games right like you uh and it it seems like it works with most board games maybe not all of them but yeah weird side fact if you know the end goal of a board game tell that to people first and then work backwards from there it's like oh you
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win by getting this many points you get the points by doing these actions you can do these actions by getting this resource
17:31
It's also a simple goal setting like it all pretty much most anything in life can be reversed and engineered that way. Yeah, it's easier. It creates all the small bits.
17:42
Yeah, reverse engineering is nice that way. Yeah, with personal mythology, it's good to focus on like, what is what is the goals? What are you getting out of it? And it's kind of a vast thing with personal mythology because it can do so freaking much for you. It can literally improve your sleep. It can build self-identity.
18:05
It can add meaning to your life. And so like going back to connect that example of improving sleep, what did we mention earlier? At the beginning of all this, you were not sleeping well.
18:17
Yeah, I had a lot of like inner demons and stuff I was not processing and working through. So by working on myself and changing from that kind of broken person back into something whole.
18:35
cute side fact i remember the first time that you fell asleep on me um cuddling me laying laying on my chest and we were watching um i think it's called the martian and it's got uh matt damon yeah yeah i think you fell asleep like in in the late
18:57
part of the movie and um i drooled i was mortified you drooled on me i didn't care
19:04
It was, like, such a girls don't like. Girls don't like it.
19:10
Girls don't like to be gross. Yeah. I didn't think it was gross. I thought it was cute.
19:15
So it's funny. I thought it was a mortifying moment. You thought it was, like, so cute and endearing.
19:20
I'm used to my dogs falling asleep on me and drooling on me, so.
19:23
I'm disgusted.
19:24
I guess I just don't care.
19:25
It was cute, though.
19:28
It was cute.
19:32
But yeah, where are we? We've like meandered. We've told a bit of my story.
19:37
What about like... Have we concluded your story? I think we came to a pretty good conclusion.
19:42
Yeah, so it's kind of the character arc of going from... A place of trauma, where, you know, I'm feeling gray shut off from the world to a place of brightness over time and intentionally choosing the archetypes and stuff. I think one thing I'd like to talk a little more about is I also want to hit
20:00
something about how that is mythology. Do you want to do yours first.
20:03
You can do yours.
20:04
Okay, mine's quick. So to those listening, Tasha's story, this is where the mythology comes in. Because, yes, we've talked about like, you know, looking on the other side of mythology, the very practical real life parts of it of like, oh, you were going through these problems and
20:24
this is how we solved them great now here here's the mythology is the garden statue who was who um found a lover who offered to help chisel them out of being a statue but they but the statue resisted and but eventually they were able to break out of
20:45
being a statue and and they loved it and they they loved life more in this more human form and they they found the sun and um and in the garden that they were in they found the bees and they found their happiness etc there's your mythological story and for
21:04
me and Tasha it's it's a it's a tearful joyful beautiful incredibly meaningful story and maybe for the audience maybe you don't connect to it as much I should
21:16
write a book called the color yellow um
21:18
And you could. And that's just how incredible personal mythology is, is that by the end of it, you're like, this is a book. And it's not just a book. It's the book of my life. It's my life story. And it is the greatest adventure of your lifetime. So that's what personal mythology brings to the table.
21:40
The greatest adventure of your life.
21:42
Because if we look at it in a more dry lens of just factual, it becomes a little more horror, like less metaphorical and meaningful. It goes from a place of like childhood trauma.
21:56
Right.
21:56
Kind of.
21:58
And you need to change.
21:59
Yeah. And changing how hard and difficult it is. Arguments with your partner, kind of continuing life dramas and difficulties we experience in our relationship from exterior forces. Right. And like... it becomes more dry and less magical and i will say i prefer the more metaphorical artistic magical experience because yeah it's romantic it romanticizes it it like
22:29
and you don't want to like romanticize traumas or anything but the growth process you definitely can romanticize you can lean into it You can make it much more magical and profound, which I think encourages you to change in the future or kind of lean into the growth process is by leaning into the magical parts of it. Right,
22:50
because it's that when we say romance, I mean, we think of it in one way, but what it really comes down to is deep meanings.
22:59
yeah and a love for and I think I don't know looking at it in that lens is just so much more exciting I think people can latch onto it more and it makes it easier in the growth process a lot of the ways because you have the shield of like well I can
23:15
be yellow anybody can be yellow anybody can work hard like a bee or whatever it is and it creates the shield for you to work behind while you put the pieces together internally and it's also an anchor Yeah, and it's an anchor to remind you of the place you want to be in is all of these
23:35
little talisman idea concepts that you would like to form yourself into being. It feels a lot easier than looking in a mirror, writing in a journal exactly who you want to be. That feels a little harder sometimes. Like there's no stepping stones. Yeah. No smaller concepts.
23:56
Yeah, you're just kind of free-forming. So I had kind of cut you off from a path that you were going to talk about.
24:02
Yeah, I kind of wanted to talk about the grief cycle that I think it's something that's not often talked about. And maybe it is. I just haven't been paying attention. But when you're going through these growth processes, there's a lot of, I would say, grief cycles of holding on to...
24:22
kind of like old coping mechanisms and things like that when you're changing there were days where i was like man i want to be that garden statue it would be a lot easier it's comfortable to put on a face with no emotion and deal with what's
24:36
happening right now rather than dealing with a more raw emotion and getting vulnerable yeah and there would be times where i would fall back into the old coping mechanisms like we would have an argument and i would like start stonewalling yeah
24:51
Another side important thing with that is that the problems that we discover in ourselves like that, they don't have to just be disintegrated and thrown away and that sort of thing. Those problems, they all give you powers of their own. So the ability to be stony definitely has its place in different parts of life.
25:16
Yeah. And I've used it with great power where people are trying to get a rise out of my emotions. And it's not worth my time or day to deal with their drama. And at that point, the garden statue is great. She's fantastic and beautiful and infuriating when she doesn't talk back.
25:34
Right. When you need it, now you have that, not as something that you default to, not something that takes you over and you don't have control over. Now it's become this polished gemstone power that you can equip and choose, like, I'm going to activate this power now.
25:54
Yeah, but it's not debilitating anymore. I'm not stuck in that form, which is great.
25:58
You know what it reminds me of is Tanuki Mario.
26:02
Do you know what I'm talking about?
26:03
Because he turns into the statue. I think it's like you press down and B and he just turns into a statue.
26:10
Yeah, I like that. Now I'm going to think of that. But yeah, there's a huge grief process of times where you lean into the old one and flip flop back and forth. And I think it's just kind of more at the end of the tunnel.
26:25
I'm able to see some of these things clear while when I was experiencing them, I might have been mad at myself for knowing I was like doing something that kind of went against who I wanted to be.
26:38
Brings to the surface that you have a problem in the first place.
26:41
Yeah, which was a big problem of mine was like admitting fault as well. And so it was like I don't know, extra tender sometimes because I would be like, I'm the problem. It's definitely me.
26:55
There's layers when it comes to the pain of growth. It comes in layers. It's not just, oh, I have this one problem and there's one piece of pain to it that I have to deal with. No, it comes in layers.
27:11
It's an onion. It'll make you cry. We wish it was like a tiramisu or something, but it's not as delicious. At the end, I think it feels more like a tiramisu. Like you can look back, you can appreciate it all and enjoy it because you're not actively experiencing it. But...
27:28
But if you take a mouthful of flour, that's not cool.
27:33
Yeah. As you're building it.
27:34
So take the cinnamon challenge.
27:37
Oh gosh. But yeah, I think that's kind of in a nutshell, me growing from kind of old coping mechanisms. I realized wasn't working well, you know, no longer serving me having to shed those. It was a lot of pain and difficulties, but yeah. We went through it together. We held hope and it totally works.
28:00
It's a very powerful experience to look at your personal narratives and see what's not serving you anymore. Like what beliefs are not benefiting you.
28:11
I like to say it's like the most fun, exciting and colorful way to approach self improvement.
28:18
And I think sometimes it may not be necessarily the beliefs you have about yourself, but other people will say things about you and you don't necessarily want to take everybody's like beliefs about you to heart but if it's people close to you making comments that make you uncomfortable then maybe it's time for reflection on whether you want
28:39
those people around or am I the problem and I was definitely the problem back then I can fully admit I had not done enough growing I was quite young too when we got together so for perspective I was like 22 yeah so I think most 22 year olds have problems.
28:59
Yeah. Well, I mean, everybody, no matter their age has problems, but yeah, I think around that age, most of us haven't developed a whole lot of skills in addressing the problems. So even, even just getting to the point, that first step of like, I have a problem that alone is, is a big deal.
29:19
Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
29:21
But I think we've come to a good conclusion on this story. So what do you think? Kind of wrap it up there?
29:30
I think that would be great. And I'd love to offer people to share their stories.
29:36
Yeah, actually, we do want to hear from you guys. We want to hear your stories and talk about those. We're thinking about having guests and interviews and stuff like that. Or we could just address questions that you have. And also, my new book is Mythic Color.
29:57
And if you want to look into finding your archetypal color, it's got all the exercises you need in it. It's got 15 different colors, so you're bound to find a favorite. And it's really awesome to go through it with other people, your partner, your friends and family, your kids, etc.
30:15
Or even to do like solo thinking about somebody else of like, well, what color would so-and-so be? Or I think so-and-so is this color. And then you read about it and you're like, totally.
30:25
So that's why they do this thing that I hate.
30:29
It's because I hate the color orange. I love orange, but.
30:35
All right. So yeah, we come to a good conclusion there. Let us go. Let us, You guys let us know what you think of the podcast and the direction we're going here, what you want to see more of or less of. And thanks for tuning in.
30:54
Absolutely. Thank you all for your time. Have a beautiful day.
30:59
And live mythically.